Did I Mention That My Parents Had to Hate Them? - Deal-breakers
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Did I Mention That My Parents Had to Hate Them?

I recently moved from a big city to a really small country town in Queensland Australia and my house is about 5 minutes from a beach. Chances are, when I've written this  that that's where I am. Feet in the sand, staring at the ocean and working out whether or not I want to go in. Strange thing here is that the water is really warm - like a bath. To be honest - it can feel a bit creepy on your skin. So - I don't always go in.
I'll have food on my clothes for absolute sure and my care factor about that is a big ZERO.



I’ve been sitting here for 45 minutes – I kid you not – trying to come up with a witty or funny story to start this email with.

And damn it – I can’t.

But we’re friends now – yes – and you can understand that I’ve had a full-on day with clients and just kinda want to veg on the couch.

Plus – there is no way to pretty this topic up in my eyes – it really gets me in the goolies (look it up.) and I see it far too often.

I will start with some of my relationship deal breakers:

At 10 – I wanted a boyfriend – so I could tell people I had a boyfriend – but it was a deal-breaker if he actually looked at me, talked to me or in any way at all mentioned me to anyone.

At 14 – I wanted a boyfriend – who would hang off my every word and promise to love and marry me as soon as they possibly could – but have no expectations of anything physical from me at all.

At 16 – I wanted a boyfriend who had to have a cool car – mine had a wagon with curtains on the rear windows – perfect – it insinuated that we were doing the dirty.  We weren’t.  My partner needed to be much older, gorgeous looking and adore me.

At 18 – I wanted a boyfriend who wouldn’t look at anyone else ever.  Who would give me space but constantly be at my beck and call.     Another deal-breaker was that he needed to rescue me from my family – and he hadn’t. 🙂  My last boyfriend had left me for a beauty pageant winner and cheated on me – so I now knew they couldn’t do that.  

At 21 – I continued the theme and they had to be someone my parents would hate.   I am going to sound really bad here – but we’re friends.  He had to be a model.  He had to drive a Porsche.  He had to wear Country Road or Hilfiger.  He had to only want me (you see a theme).  His parents would love me.  He would want me to have his babies (even though I didn’t want kids).  He would know how to trade in shares and love playing tennis on the weekends.  He would take me to expensive restaurants and exotic countries.  The list went on.  Like it does at 21.  Did I mention it had to be someone my parents hated? ;P

At 24 – my deal-breaker?  Being cheated on and being dumb.

Harsh but true.

And the list continues.  And changed hugely with every passing year.

I think at one point I had a 3-year dry spell – and at that point abandoned all my deal breakers and even threw myself at my gay male bestie.

My deal-breaker now – is not feeling safe with them. 

I have another deal-breaker that has stuck for a good 24 (ish years).  And really is the same thing.

They must not in any way try and control me.

And – it follows – there must be no sign of any psychological abuse.

Not a bit.  Nothing shady.  No confusion.

At the start of a relationship, there is always a bit of control argy-bargy.  Especially as you find your feet with each other.

This is mutual.  Both people are adjusting.

One partner insisting on being the one in control is one word – TOXIC.

And often very sneaky – other people can’t see it.

If you are being controlled you might sometimes be left wondering:

What’s going on? Am I imagining this? But last week was so good?

I find myself discussing this deal-breaker and its implication –  AND – the biggy, if it can be changed…..A LOT.

It’s one thing I address in The MARRIAGE FIX consultations with my clients because it is just so important.

Chat tomorrow

PS. If you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your Marriage Mentor and you’re ready for deep support to bring your marriage back from the verge of divorce, click here to join my waitlist and let’s talk about the best way I can support you:


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