Calmness and Resilience Therapist

Specialising in Childhood Emotional Neglect and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Childhood Emotional Neglect is what was NOT done for you in childhood.  It is the emotional needs you had that weren’t met.

Yep – it is a thing and it is often the missing link in therapy. 

I never thought that I could stop feeling flawed, stop attracting people who made me feel shitty about myself AND actually start having an amazing life full of loving relationships – all without breaking the bank or losing my mind. But I Finally Discovered The Secret! Here’s How…

I was tired of trying to figure out what was wrong with me and I was ready to just start living. Totally over not enjoying my own life.           O…V…E…R   I…T!!!!!! Insert appropriate emoji.

 I know you are there too and I want you to learn how Childhood Emotional Neglect work can save you years of expensive therapy and all the $ you’re tempted to spend on self-help books, weekend retreats and self-development courses just to live the life you’ve been secretly dreaming about.  A life where you have great relationships and are finally free of that feeling that you are flawed in some way.  That you don’t belong and that you’re different to everyone else.  Probably also a life that does not involve every single weekend being involved in trying to make yourself feel better by heading to another course or group. 

Hi, My name’s Rebecca (to my mum – Bex to everyone else) and like you I always felt there was a ginormous wall between me and the life I had been dreaming of.  Since as long as I remember.   I’d pretty much let go of the idea of being the next Debbie Harry,  but all the rest of my dreams were still there,  hidden in the most hard to reach parts of my brain.  Covered in dust and cobwebs – but still there.  

Every day I woke up, with this feeling in my throat and chest – not having a name for it- but knowing it was going to be Groundhog Day.  I would convince myself that if I tried harder I would feel better but I would get in my own way. Feel misunderstood and totally blame myself for everything.  Throw in a lot of apologising to people for anything and everything -existing mostly –  and something always got in the way of me finding a way forward. Frankly, I was really tired.  Tired in bits of myself I did not know could feel so exhausted.

My friends knew I’d been in therapy  although, just between you and me, sometimes I went to therapy and told no one.  Those few friends I trusted would ask, “How’s it going?” and I would change the subject.  Wham Bam Thank you Ma’am. I could switch the conversation back to them in a millisecond. 

Don’t get me wrong – I knew the therapy helped but in the deepest of down bits,  I felt exactly the same. 

Turns out – I wasn’t fooling anybody and they could still see that I was not comfortable being myself. 

I just want to let you know that I am not talking about a couple of months or even a couple of years of therapy – I started at 15 and I am now – um – ok – I guess we are friends – 53.  Every single goddamn one of those years has involved something.  And while they have all been amazing and great tools for growth – none got rid of that feeling just below my ribs – the sinking one – you know the one.  *points and nods*

For years, I’d been promising myself that once I felt “normal” I would deserve my better life but buggered (yep – I am Aussie) if  I had any idea how to feel normal. 

I tried changing my home, my weight, my partners, my hairstyle, my environment.

Nup. No results.

I was looking to other people to decide what my normal was because I had absolutely no idea. 

So – I want to tell you what I did and what I learned. 

Save you some time and dollars but most of all see you fly out of this nest and have a life that you have chosen, without that feeling that you should be more/ do more.

I  (me, my parents, my amazing friends, my partners) have spent roughly $75K* to send me off to those slippery, therapy couches. And it kinda worked – I’m not going to lie – I had friends, a job, a partner, healthy kids.  Everything looked really good…I guess. (*very conservative estimate so I don’t feel so guilty)

I did the psychologist thing, the psychiatrist thing, the in-patient thing, every alternative health therapy known to man – which I do love –  but they never seemed to reach the bottom of the pit. 

After years of this, I looked up and said “I’m talking about my past  and what’s wrong a hell of a lot . I’m so sick of hearing my own voice.  I still feel like I’m not enough (I may have even used the words “a piece of crap”) and, in fact, when I talk about the trauma it takes me a couple of weeks to get over bringing up all that old stuff again and again.  Then I go head back to the therapist dude to bring it all back up again. Aaaaagh,   I didn’t want to change therapists because you started back at square one. Shoot me now. 

So I thought – am I  $75K* better?

“Hell no” is the correct answer to that. 

I remember sitting at my kitchen table, with a cup of tea and a gorgeous Kikki K notepad – because just using one of these notepads makes your life better.  Cough. I calculated time and $ and realised there weren’t many options left – or – let’s be honest – a lot of time.  If I did finally feel normal and could have my dream trip to Japan – I wouldn’t have the dollars…..because my therapist would be jetsetting several times around the world at my expense.   Oh – the irony. 

Amazingly, one day I picked up a book and it changed my life. I’ll discuss that more later – but Dr Jonice Webb really saved my life. 

Now, I want to offer you a short cut and that short cut can and will help you:

Realise your dreams. Truly. 

Provide support

Give you real life tools. For all those tricky situations that trigger you to feel crap about yourself. 

I took what I learnt from the book – and the courses I took on Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).  I broke it down in my head and scribbled all over that Kikki K notepad.

I spoke to people.  Everyone I could. 

I took more notice of my Kinesiology clients who were not getting better as quickly as we hoped. 

And what I have done today with all of the stuff I learnt is put together a program for you.   Yes – you.

To move your life and relationships out of the past. 

So you can know you are enough, stop comparing yourself and have a whole lot of tools to help you enjoy that precious life of yours.  

Can I guarantee an amazing life.  I wish – but alas, no.  But I wanted to know how to bring joy to the life I had, make changes and stop living in the past. I wanted to enjoy my life and I want that for you.

I invite you to enjoy this program – do you have to – no – you can spend $75K on therapy too. 

One thing that always really got my goat was that if the therapy didn’t work for you, you could never get your money back.  What is with that. 

So – I’m gonna offer you a 100% of your last appointment back.  Terms & Conditions  

You know what I hate? When people show their own success as a mark of how well they’ve done.

You know what I love? Real life CLIENT success stories and love notes. And I have a TONNE of them, like really. 

It warms my heart every.single.time.

And NO, I did not pay these people to say all these nice things about our work together. I could spend all day sharing these gems with you but I will save you and your newsfeed from that and just share a few….for now. I cannot promise not to get carried away!

I decided to address the hole inside me a little later in life than most might have. Once I was ready, I reached out to Rebecca. The process was surprisingly swift, as each appointment lead to a series of tangible breakthroughs within me, in my work, my personal interactions and, most excitingly, my love life. Transition is a challenge, but knowing that I had the support of someone in my corner, who genuinely cares for my outcome and was so expert and deft at guiding me through, I was able to find and start living my truth. Nowadays, I am sorrowful for my past self, who didn't know how rich it is to engage with the full range of emotions, who didn't understand the strong and detrimental impact of ignoring one's emotions, and who was not yet aware how liberating, vindicating and exciting it is to unleash oneself from the shackles of neglect, and, yes, find true happiness. It is possible, I have lived it - if you are reading this, it's not too late. I am so thankful to you, Rebecca, you have helped me to change everything for myself, and it's worth more than the world to me.
Champion Human
I first met Rebecca at a time in my life when I was at my lowest. I had battled with depression since I was about 4 years old. I went to her with a very pessimistic attitude. The amount of psychologists and counsellors I had been to in 20 years was more than I could count and it had always resulted in me feeling misunderstood and angry. Rebecca was relatable and down to earth, I couldn't believe how much time and energy she was willing to dedicate to me. For the first time in my life I felt like I had met someone who just got it, someone with her own experiences and completely free of judgement. Someone who believed in me and someone who was in my corner. This woman was my saviour. She taught me more than I could have ever imagined and the impact she has had on me has been life changing. My world has been flipped upside down and the past year has been a lot of hard work but at no point was I ever alone. At 25 years old I am now exactly who and where I want to be. For the first time in my life I am happy and I owe that all to her, my polly pocket!!
Life Changing Fiend