Picture this. Gorgeous weather – I’d dragged myself out of bed, and dropped my kids off to kindergarten and school. Walked to the gym (this was a few years ago – :)) Grabbed locker keys. Filled my water bottle with chilled water (has to be ice cold) and headed up two flights of stairs to the cardio room.
I think I’ve already mentioned it, but in case you’re new – I had a stroke at 30 and one of the side effects is that I can’t run on a treadmill. When I walk even on a street, I have to say under my breath “Left ,Right, Left Right” and watch my feet as I walk. As you can imagine – I can’t say “Left Right Left Right” fast enough to run on a treadmill. I go flying off the back of the treadmill and can only hope I hit a wall and not a person.
Anyways- that was why I was on the Elliptical Trainer. I always grab the machine nearest the door to the toilet – 5 kids, weak bladder. Earplugs in. Depeche Mode pumping away “Personal Jesus”. I was pushing through those first yucky 10 minutes where you just want to go home when….my phone buzzed.
I looked down and saw an email notification from a strange address.
I had to stop to read it. Which pissed me off because the timer restarts on the elliptical trainer when you stop for too long.
I think I’ve already mentioned it, but in case you’re new – I had a stroke at 30 and one of the side effects is that I can’t run on a treadmill. When I walk even on a street, I have to say under my breath “Left ,Right, Left Right” and watch my feet as I walk. As you can imagine – I can’t say “Left Right Left Right” fast enough to run on a treadmill. I go flying off the back of the treadmill and can only hope I hit a wall and not a person.
Anyways- that was why I was on the Elliptical Trainer. I always grab the machine nearest the door to the toilet – 5 kids, weak bladder. Earplugs in. Depeche Mode pumping away “Personal Jesus”. I was pushing through those first yucky 10 minutes where you just want to go home when….my phone buzzed.
I looked down and saw an email notification from a strange address.
I had to stop to read it. Which pissed me off because the timer restarts on the elliptical trainer when you stop for too long.
“Dear Rebecca,
I found your name and email on my computer. Our mutual friend ####### must have forgotten to close his history. But it appears he was emailing you while in bed with me, and straight after we’d just F$$$ed. I consider him to be my boyfriend and it seems – so do you. I thought I should do the right thing and let you know.
Regards
Rebecca”
Yep, the assh@@e was dating two girls named Rebecca. Makes it easier, I guess.
I had asked him for months about this “friend” and he’d told me that I was far too suspicious and had trust issues.
All the details are juicy but irrelevant.
The things that stick in my brain aren’t these details.
What I remember is the emotions and the pain – it was physical. It crushed me. Not just the cheating but the lying. Later I found out that everyone knew. The betrayal. My chest actually ached and my stomach felt like it was full of rocks. I cried out loud for days – I couldn’t stop it. And – I HATE crying in public. I felt like I was the problem. In fact, I KNEW I was the problem and had to do better.
What I can tell you is that this other gorgeous woman and I handled our new knowledge very very differently Within 15 minutes she had dumped everything of his that she could find in her house, in a black bag, on his doorstep – along with a very explicit note telling him where he could put it all.
I had a different approach – no secrets – hers was much healthier.
Infidelity is a huge thing. And no matter what you say your boundaries are – you don’t know how you’re going to react to it until it happens to you.
It is so personal to each person and the relationship as a whole.
And you would be surprised to know that more relationships actually survive infidelity than are wrecked by it. You can recover from it.
I had asked him for months about this “friend” and he’d told me that I was far too suspicious and had trust issues.
All the details are juicy but irrelevant.
The things that stick in my brain aren’t these details.
What I remember is the emotions and the pain – it was physical. It crushed me. Not just the cheating but the lying. Later I found out that everyone knew. The betrayal. My chest actually ached and my stomach felt like it was full of rocks. I cried out loud for days – I couldn’t stop it. And – I HATE crying in public. I felt like I was the problem. In fact, I KNEW I was the problem and had to do better.
What I can tell you is that this other gorgeous woman and I handled our new knowledge very very differently Within 15 minutes she had dumped everything of his that she could find in her house, in a black bag, on his doorstep – along with a very explicit note telling him where he could put it all.
I had a different approach – no secrets – hers was much healthier.
Infidelity is a huge thing. And no matter what you say your boundaries are – you don’t know how you’re going to react to it until it happens to you.
It is so personal to each person and the relationship as a whole.
And you would be surprised to know that more relationships actually survive infidelity than are wrecked by it. You can recover from it.
Full disclosure – it took me a good 8 months after this to leave him. In fact, I moved in with him – because, you know, if you move in then that will stop them cheating. Cough.
Thank goodness I sorted through my s&&t later and no longer believe the crap I used to tell myself.
I believed that if someone chose me then I was lucky and should just hang in there and be grateful that they saw past my damaged soul and put up with me.
In truth, they often see your damaged soul and use it.
BOOM.
PS. If you’ve tried many things to help your relationships that simply haven’t worked…I can help.
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