- The Four Horsemen and their Quest for Your Marriage

a life in perfect balance

rebecca chapman  - INTUITIVE THERAPIST

The Four Horsemen and their Quest for Your Marriage

I recently moved from a big city to a really small country town in Queensland Australia and my house is about 5 minutes from a beach. Chances are, when I've written this  that that's where I am. Feet in the sand, staring at the ocean and working out whether or not I want to go in. Strange thing here is that the water is really warm - like a bath. To be honest - it can feel a bit creepy on your skin. So - I don't always go in.
I'll have food on my clothes for absolute sure and my care factor about that is a big ZERO.



4 Horsemen of Divorce
We’re doing TV shows again today.  🙂 
Can you tell there’s a bit of escapism happening in my life at the moment?
My favourite historical show is Outlander.  Is it historical if it’s time travel?  Let me know your thoughts.
BUT – I have mixed feelings about the latest season….Plus, they’re releasing it one episode a week.
Old school.
And I’m old!!!!!
So I’m giving The White Queen a red hot go. And liking it – I like a bit of a man in metal on a horse.
Speaking of which…have you ever heard of The Four Horsemen of Divorce?
I kid you not.
According to research by psychologist and renowned marriage expert John Gottman, PhD, the four horsemen are ways of communicating that increase the chances of a couple getting a divorce.
And I have to agree with them.
Let’s meet these dastardly bastards.
The Maroon Horseman: CRITICISM (I’m making the colours up).
This is not complaining.  Big difference.  Complaining is generally not personal.  Criticism is very personal.
Complaining is about the situation being wrong.  Criticism is about the person being wrong – as a human being. Ouch.
The Cerise Horseman: DEFENSIVENESS.
This swarthy young hero usually shows up straight up after Knight Criticism has pooped all over the parade.
Sometimes even at the thought of Sir Criticism.  Or merely seeing a photo of Sir Criticism.  🙂
In other words, the criticism doesn’t have to actually exist.  The Cerise Horseman is all justification, justification, and justification.  Not good.
The Teal Horseman: STONEWALLING.
The strong silent type.  This horseman always rides away when the battle gets too much.
Silent. Formidable. Still.
Impossible to have a discussion or productive argument.
He just leaves. Emotional and physically.
Pity – because he’s very pretty to look at.  Yowser,
The Dirty Black Knight: CONTEMPT
This dude comes in for the final blow.
He says “You are scum, filth of the Earth. Beneath my all-powerful self and only worthy of destruction. I scorn you.”
If Sir Contempt shows his ugly face, I know that my work is cut out for me.
He can quickly change his tone to emotional abuse.
Off with his head.
While everyone resorts to these behaviors sometimes, even in healthy relationships.  I mean – none of us are saints.  If all four knights show up at the battle, they are there to take you to the divorce court.
Good news – if both people in the relationship are keen to kiss the Knights goodbye (no matter how familiar and sexy they may seem) – then I’ve got you.
Chat tomorrow
P.S. If you’ve tried many things that simply haven’t worked… But most importantly, if you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your mentor, and you’re ready for deep support as you find your way back to your truest self…click here to book your first session.
I can’t wait to be your wingman.