It was one of those “what does your parent do” show-and-tell thingy’s at school. I wasn’t there but if I could have a dollar for every text or phone call I received after it – I would be swanning around Monaco in my private yacht. Think – Below Deck on steriods.
Angelic looking little Drew Barrymore-esq child stands at the front of the class. Shyly dancing from one leg to the other – nervous and excited. Playing with the ribbons in her blonde, curly hair…waving at her friends. THE picture of childhood innocence.
“My mum touches people for money.”
“Lisa – are you sure?”
“Yes – my mum locks us in a room while she touches all the people for money.”
Let me introduce the cast of this scenario. Lisa – my 6-year-old daughter. “My mum” – me.
Did I touch people for money – yes, yes I did.
I was offering Kinesiology and Reiki and Massage at the time – working from home as a single mum.
Would I have put it that way – no.
Was the fact that she said it publicly mortifying – yes. There were a couple of mums in the “in-crowd” group of mums that gathered at pickup – you know the ones. They took it and ran with it for months. So – the ripple effects were big – but actually made me giggle. They kept their husbands and partner well away from me – I kid you not. They were doing me a favour.
She was an innocent little girl who was very proud of me – and is still my sunshine.
What if she were an adult who had talked about me in public – especially about something that they had never run by me.
This is so common in marriages and relationships – and is so incredibly destructive. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t get support – but the first person you should speak to to get clarity about your marriage …is…
The other person in your marriage.
Dirty laundry should NEVER be aired in public.
And absolutely never be aired in public when you haven’t even discussed it with the person involved.
Sometimes we do it to feel like we have other people on our side. But the damage that this does to the other person who can feel belittled, picked on and blindsided – is profound.
This is actually a huge way to break trust. And will never result in your spouse or partner feeling safe and wanting to be vulnerable. Two absolutely essential things in a healthy relationship.
Criticizing your spouse in public is a dangerous road to explore. It’s not just harmless banter with your friends. And this is the case whether they are present or not.
So my question today is:
Have you ever done this? Has this ever been done to you?
It’s a “Yes” “Yes” for me.
It is a really common dynamic that I help people work through.
And I’m ready to work through it with you.
Chat soon
PS. If you’ve tried many things to help your relationships that simply haven’t worked…I can help.
But most importantly, if you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your mentor, and you’re ready for deep support as you find your answer to “should I stay or should I go”…click below to book your first session.
We’ll use an intuitive and solution-based method to get you sorted.
I can’t wait to be your wingman.
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