a life in perfect balance

rebecca chapman  - relationship whisperer

It’s Gone Way Too Far.

I recently moved from a big city to a really small country town in Queensland Australia and my house is about 5 minutes from a beach. Chances are, when I've written this  that that's where I am. Feet in the sand, staring at the ocean and working out whether or not I want to go in. Strange thing here is that the water is really warm - like a bath. To be honest - it can feel a bit creepy on your skin. So - I don't always go in.
I'll have food on my clothes for absolute sure and my care factor about that is a big ZERO.



Married At First Sight
I get asked about this show at least once a week.

And you know what – I admit with great shame that I used to watch it.  And even – gulp – look forward to it.

I need therapy – I know.  You’ll see what I mean.

Anyways.  I’ll put you out of the misery of guessing – after all the contestants on the show are thrown into a huge pit of misery and no one else needs to be in there with them.

Married At First Sight.

I’m in Australia – so I can only comment on the Aussie one – but this year.  I pulled the plug.  Plop.

And – to be honest it’s not actually the contestants that make me the angriest.  It’s the “therapists”. 

Who with any hint of ethics would allow people to be deliberately put together in “marriages” that are likely to cause huge psychological damage.  It’s a rhetorical question.  No need to answer.

This season – I felt deep in my waters that something was terribly, terribly wrong. Took me a while.  Even if the contestants were there by their own choice – that they could not possibly understand editing, social media and the character assassination that was occurring while they were safely snuggled in their perfectly decorated accommodation. Complete with a photo of the wedding.  Very twee.

I think that the level of genuine vulnerability shown by some contestants and obviously fake vulnerability shown by others was even more obvious this year.

Anyways – I could go on for a bit.

What has happened over the seasons has been a growing emphasis on drama. 

Almost normalising drama as a part of life and relationships.
Constant bickering (banter).

Rigid expectations.

Shaming people into doing what you want.

Picking fights at alcohol-fueled dinner parties.

The couch of shame at commitment ceremonies.

All of these – orchestrated by the producers – yep, I went there – are very carefully designed to promote drama.

And you know what – a heck of a lot of people actually DO believe that if there’s drama in their relationship – that this is a sign of passion.

Um – No.

That fighting for the make up sex is worth it.

Um – No.

That love means pain.

Um – No.

“We only have such horrible fights because we love each other so much. “

Um – No.

At the start of a marriage or relationship, unpredictability can be exciting, but if you get addicted to the rush, it can land you on the roller coaster ride of fighting, making up, and fighting again, just to keep that feeling alive.

Constant ups and downs can take a huge toll on your emotional health.  And – physical health.

You know why quite a few people fight?  To avoid being vulnerable. 

It’s a way of pushing someone away.

So actually when you’re fighting or creating drama – you are subconsciously ruining the passion of your marriage.  The makeup sex feels great – until you are required to be vulnerable again – and then- BOOM – let’s fight.  It’s on.

Another reason people stay stuck in relationship drama is that it may be so familiar that they don’t believe anything else is possible.

Especially if your childhood was chaotic.

It takes a lot of work to shift from seeking out drama to being comfy with the “boredom” of passionate but undramatic love.

But it can be done.

And I love showing people.

It ends up not being boring at all.

So – having said that:

f you’ve been struggling with your marriage.

If constant drama is a “thing” in your relationships.

If you’ve tried many things that simply haven’t worked…

If you want to grab my services before I’m snapped up by Married At First Sight…
If you’ve tried many things to help your relationships that simply haven’t worked…I can help.

But most importantly, if you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your mentor, and you’re ready for deep support as you find your answer to “should I stay or should I go”…click below to book your first session.

We’ll use an intuitive and solution-based method to get you sorted.

I can’t wait to be your wingman.

Chat tomorrow
Rebecca Chapman - A Life in Perfect Balance
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