Hit me with your Marriage "icks" . Hit me slowly. Hit me Quick.

a life in perfect balance

rebecca chapman  - INTUITIVE THERAPIST

Hit me with your Marriage “icks” . Hit me slowly. Hit me Quick.

I recently moved from a big city to a really small country town in Queensland Australia and my house is about 5 minutes from a beach. Chances are, when I've written this  that that's where I am. Feet in the sand, staring at the ocean and working out whether or not I want to go in. Strange thing here is that the water is really warm - like a bath. To be honest - it can feel a bit creepy on your skin. So - I don't always go in.
I'll have food on my clothes for absolute sure and my care factor about that is a big ZERO.

I'm BECK!

hello,

"icks"
 
Things I fell in love with:
The way he breathed.  
The way he ate.  
The noise he made when he slept.  
His smell.  
His voice.  
His feet.  
His hands.  
His hair.  
His clothes.  
HIs car.  
His job.  
His taste in music.  


9 years, 3 kids, one marriage pass by


Things that made me go “ick”
The way he breathed.  
The way he ate.  
The noise he made when he slept.  
His smell.  
His voice.  
His feet.  
His hands.  
His hair.  
His clothes.  
HIs car.  
His job.  
His taste im music.  


Things I hear in my sessions that make people go “ick”
Being too arrogant.
Being rude to hospitality staff.
Dirty fingernails.
A noisy eater.
Crude jokes.
Putting on a baby voice.
Being obsessed with the way they look.
Bad dress sense.
Being obsessed with the way they look.
Bad dress sense.
Bad grammar.
Being obsessed with star signs.
Getting food stuck to the sides of their mouth when they eat.
Their saliva.
Being irresponsible.


So what is an “ick” or “the “icks”. It’s really a new way to describe something that puts you off, especially in the early stages of dating.  It’s completely individual – although some are universal in that they actually do signal bad behaviour.

It’s not as simple as a turn-off — when you get the ick, you feel grossed out about the other person as a whole and find it hard to get that attraction back.

My list – however – was later stage “icks”.  10 years into my relationship.  As you can see, they’d become very, very personal.  And there was nothing on that list that he could actually do a single thing about.  I’d decided to get the hell out of there – and was looking for justification.  I’d matched my “icks” to my decision to leave.

While I love this new term – it perfectly describes the feeling – it’s important to remember that they aren’t always reliable.

At the start of a relationship, someone can appear carefree.  Later, they seem irresponsible.   The person hasn’t changed one iota – we’ve just put on a new set of glasses to view them with.

Just because you don’t get “icks”, it doesn’t mean this is the person for you.  It’s just not that simple.

We need to keep our brains about us before accepting or dismissing someone outright based on our “icks”.

You can’t change people fundamentally, but there are things you can agree to disagree on or compromise on.  When you do this, it could make you realise that these things don’t really matter.

But, you can sort of change somebody’s practical behaviour. I think there’s a difference. When people say they’re trying to change somebody, it really depends on what you mean by ‘change’.

If you get hit with “the ick”, stop and think about what’s happening.  No knee-jerk reactions here.

Ask – are you protecting yourself because you’ve just witnessed a red flag suggesting they are just not the right partner for you?

The ick” isn’t always triggered by tiny things; it could be red flag behaviours like being rude to waiters or constantly talking over you.  Which is justified.

But sometimes we get “the ick” because we’re engaging in self-sabotage and, in turn, undermining our chances of a possible successful relationship or marriage.

After years of marriage, getting a case of “the icks” can mean one of a huge number of things, and it’s really hard to be objective enough to shake it off by yourself. Or decide if it’s sending you an important message.

It’s these skills I teach and more – all day long.  Kind of like a translator for the language of marriage.
And it’s never too late to learn them.
 
Chat soon
 

P.S. If you’ve tried many things that simply haven’t worked… But most importantly, if you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your mentor, and you’re ready for deep support as you find your way back to your truest self…click here to book your first session. 
 
I can’t wait to be your wingman.
 
 
 
Don’t want to write or hear the word “ick” for at least a year 🙂