I’m scared shitless of rejection.
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t.
It paralyses me.
Even when you guys unsubscribe – I have to catch myself.
I’m going to guess that 90% of the people I chat with are making decisions from a place of fear. Fear of rejection or abandonment.
And why is this a huge problem in relationships? I know – you don’t have to be Einstein to see it. But I’m still going to spell it out so the words are right in front of you.
People with a fear of rejection will end up putting up with a lot of harmful or unacceptable behavior, even when they know they shouldn’t.
I chat with them and it’s like chatting with two people.
Person 1. Let’s call them Chairperson Intellect.
This person knows intellectually exactly where their boundaries should be. They have that big black marker ready to draw the line. They’re very strong when they tell me what they will and won’t tolerate.
Chairperson Intellect might say, “Well, I’m not going to be in a relationship where I am physically abused,” or, “I’m not going to take a job where they’re going to pay me 70% of what my coworker is being paid when I have more experience.”
Person 2. Chairperson Avoid Rejection at all Costs.
This particular crew member appears quickly and knocks Chairperson Intellect right outta the ballpark. Stomps on those boundaries and shoves them in a deep dark grave.
It looks like this. You’re very good at telling me firmly what your boundaries are, but in the moment, you’re very quick to discard those boundaries, negate those boundaries, or lose touch with those boundaries, because being rejected, the fear of being rejected, becomes the primary motivator for all your decisions.
How many times in your life have you stuffed what you knew you needed or wanted in a drawer to avoid rejection?
And more importantly – how many times in your life have you let your fear of rejection rule your life?
It’s one of the first things I work on with couples.
Each individual’s fear of rejection and abandonment.
People are also incredibly scared of ridicule, being judged and embarrassment too – but that’s for another email.
Do you need help with your fear of rejection?
Or maybe you feel your partner holds you at arm’s length because THEY are fearful of being rejected.
Do you need to learn how to set boundaries and not back down?
If you need a safe place to have some of those gnarly, messy, scary conversations that clearly state what you both need…
If you’ve been struggling with your relationship…
If you want help having the tough conversations…
If you’ve tried many things that simply haven’t worked…
But most importantly, if you’ve been feeling the pull to have me by your side as your mentor and you’re ready for deep support as you find your way back to your truest self…click here to book your first session. I can’t wait to be your wingman.